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i've been worried lately that i am an inherently disfunctional person. i guess most people are, but i feel wholly unprepared to deal with the most basic challenges of the everyday. the other day i saw ken jacobs's 2020 film "Movie That Invites Pausing." then i watched james benning's "11 x 14" until i fell asleep. i've watched a lot of benning's work to help me fall asleep, to the point where i don't feel confident saying i've really "seen" most of the work that i've witnessed. his films are spiritual cleansers. they help take the cruft of the day and fold them up into little tiny notes, to be dealt with another time. right now, a billboard towers over a parking lot. a man pulls over on an expansive highway. a woman walks across the street. then i fall asleep